Parenting.....MY way

Before I was a parent, I found it quite easy to pass judgment and even criticize mothers and fathers for the way they chose to raise, discipline, or handle their little ones. I would often whisper things under my breath such as "Oh I will NEVER do that when I'm a mom", or "What are they thinking feeding that kid candy at this hour?!", or "Aren't you going to do something to calm that crying baby?!" I thought that I would be as close to perfect as a mother could possibly be, and I was convinced about the things that I would and would NOT do when I took the plunge into parenthood myself.

Fast forward to the present day in my life as Zoey's mom, and let me just say that I'm definitely eating my own foot, and simultaneously taking a bite of humble pie. : ) Sure, it's quite easy to be the "perfect mom" to the "perfect baby" when she's still in utero and when all difficult parenting situations are nothing but hypothetical. But now that I am a mother 24/7 to a very beautiful, yet imperfect child, I realize that all of my "should's" and "musts" and "wont's" have pretty much been thrown out the window. Yes, I know that I am a GOOD mother, but I am far from perfect. And honestly, what is perfect anyway? My own wonderful mother gave me some very good advice in Zoey's earliest weeks of life - she reminded me that as long as Zoey was fed, changed, not in pain, not too cold or hot, and cuddled up safely in her mommy's arms, she would be OK even if she was crying. Because even for the best mother in the best of circumstances, sometimes babies are still going to cry. About 3 months into my parenthood journey, I am finally beginning to accept this as normal and OK.

While I am so thankful that my baby is healthy, generally happy, and cute as a button, I guess you could say that my vision of a calm, relaxed baby who easily drifts off to sleep on her own is simply NOT my reality. On one hand I am very lucky because Zoey has been sleeping through the night for the past 2-3 weeks, at least 7-8 hours from around 9:30pm - 5:30am, and she easily goes back down after this early morning feeding until around 8:30am! I know I am very lucky to be getting this much sleep with a 3 month old infant, and believe me I do count my blessings everyday that I wake up feeling well-rested. However, our daytime nap "schedule", and the process of getting Zoey down to sleep is not a walk in the park. Often I resort to rocking her and nursing her to sleep, to only have her nap for a mere 20-30 minutes in her crib. Her baby swing which used to work wonders for 2 hour-long naps no longer does the trick. And in the evenings, most nights we resort to putting her in a Kangaroo Korner fleece pouch just so we can escape the never-ending crying and get a chance to eat dinner in peace. She falls asleep in this thing every single time like clockwork, and David and I both know it has saved our lives and our sanity on many occasions. Typically we'll just keep her in the sling for a couple of hours until I'm ready to feed her and go to bed myself, at which point she luckily almost always transitions into her crib without a fight. For the life of me, I just don't understand while babies fight sleep so much!?

So remember that pre-baby Sarah I spoke of earlier who could make judgment calls about other people's parenting decisions? Well she is now a mother herself who has adopted and embraced the motto, "Whatever works!!" I can now empathize with parents who allow their fussy infants to sleep in bed with them at night, who give their crying toddlers candy to avoid a major tantrum in the grocery store, and who carry or wear their little ones hours on end even when their backs are sore and their hands are full. Because just like me, all they want is to be a good parent, to make their babies happy, and to love their children to the best of their ability. And unfortunately there are no rule books for how to do that, no specific "should's" or "should-nots" for all families, and no tried-and-true solutions that work for every child. We are all learning as we go, thinking on our feet, and doing the very best we can with what we have and what we know in the moment.

But having said that, even though parenting is the hardest job I've ever had, it is by far the most rewarding experience of my life. Even on a rough day, once Zoey starts smiling, and babbles and coos in response to my voice, my heart melts and I am reminded that all the hard work is MORE than worth it. My amazing mother did it for me, and I look forward to being there for Zoey throughout her childhood and beyond. All I can hope for is that one day an adult Zoey will come home for a visit, greet me with a big hug, and look me in the eye as she tells me that she loves me, as perfectly imperfect as I may be.