When I was a little girl, I used to LOVE going to visit Grandpa Backes at his house in Livermore. The drive from Manteca to Livermore felt like a LONG, never-ending journey when I was just a kid, especially when driving across the Altamont in an old VW bus, but it was always a fun and exciting trek nonetheless. Grandpa's house was on a big court where we could play and ride our bikes freely, and he always greeted us with treats of some sort.....full sized candy bars, cans full of coins that we could roll up and keep for our own, and big, warm, welcoming hugs that smelled of Old Spice. My Grandma Mavis Backes passed away when I was only 5 years old, but I do have some lovely memories of her as well, including her pretty aprons that she wore while baking in the kitchen, her elegant, smooth gray hair, and the sound of the tea kettle going off every afternoon around tea time. In short, I have many fabulous memories of going to visit my Grandma and Grandpa Backes.
Now that I am a mother myself, Zoey gets to have a Grandma and Grandpa Backes of her own! I've been staying out here in Manteca with my parents for the past couple of days, and it has been both a relaxing and a special time for all of us. Not only does my mom get her baby Zoey fix, but Grandma Backes jumps right in to change diapers, help put Zoey down for her naps, respond to baby cries on the monitor, play and sing songs to entertain her, and basically tend to any and all of Zoey's needs. And for me, that means that I get a break from being a mommy 24/7! So overall it's a win-win situation for all of us - my mom gets lots of Grandma time, I have a chance to rest and catch up on emails (and blog posts!), and Zoey has two extra sets of hands around to love and care for her. My dad just loves talking and interacting with Zoey to make her smile, saying over and over "Hi Grandpa!!" as he tickles her belly. And last night we enjoyed a delicious taco dinner together, and then looked at old pictures on the slide projector from my childhood - talk about a walk down memory lane! I am so blessed to have such amazing, loving parents, and Zoey is just as lucky to be able to grow up with Dennis and Deborah Backes as her grandparents.
Coming "home" has always felt so good to me since the day I officially moved out of the house when I was 18 in the summer of 1997. I can come back anytime for a visit and honestly feel like I never left. I am welcomed home with open, loving arms, my parents still cook dinner for me like they did when I was a kid, and now I know I can come here anytime that I need help with Zoey, or simply want to pretend that I am a "kid" myself again. Although I love my other home in Alameda with David, Zoey, and our 4 crazy cats, my parents house will always feel like a sanctuary to me. Because in my book, there really is "no place like home."
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Parenting.....MY way
Before I was a parent, I found it quite easy to pass judgment and even criticize mothers and fathers for the way they chose to raise, discipline, or handle their little ones. I would often whisper things under my breath such as "Oh I will NEVER do that when I'm a mom", or "What are they thinking feeding that kid candy at this hour?!", or "Aren't you going to do something to calm that crying baby?!" I thought that I would be as close to perfect as a mother could possibly be, and I was convinced about the things that I would and would NOT do when I took the plunge into parenthood myself.
Fast forward to the present day in my life as Zoey's mom, and let me just say that I'm definitely eating my own foot, and simultaneously taking a bite of humble pie. : ) Sure, it's quite easy to be the "perfect mom" to the "perfect baby" when she's still in utero and when all difficult parenting situations are nothing but hypothetical. But now that I am a mother 24/7 to a very beautiful, yet imperfect child, I realize that all of my "should's" and "musts" and "wont's" have pretty much been thrown out the window. Yes, I know that I am a GOOD mother, but I am far from perfect. And honestly, what is perfect anyway? My own wonderful mother gave me some very good advice in Zoey's earliest weeks of life - she reminded me that as long as Zoey was fed, changed, not in pain, not too cold or hot, and cuddled up safely in her mommy's arms, she would be OK even if she was crying. Because even for the best mother in the best of circumstances, sometimes babies are still going to cry. About 3 months into my parenthood journey, I am finally beginning to accept this as normal and OK.
While I am so thankful that my baby is healthy, generally happy, and cute as a button, I guess you could say that my vision of a calm, relaxed baby who easily drifts off to sleep on her own is simply NOT my reality. On one hand I am very lucky because Zoey has been sleeping through the night for the past 2-3 weeks, at least 7-8 hours from around 9:30pm - 5:30am, and she easily goes back down after this early morning feeding until around 8:30am! I know I am very lucky to be getting this much sleep with a 3 month old infant, and believe me I do count my blessings everyday that I wake up feeling well-rested. However, our daytime nap "schedule", and the process of getting Zoey down to sleep is not a walk in the park. Often I resort to rocking her and nursing her to sleep, to only have her nap for a mere 20-30 minutes in her crib. Her baby swing which used to work wonders for 2 hour-long naps no longer does the trick. And in the evenings, most nights we resort to putting her in a Kangaroo Korner fleece pouch just so we can escape the never-ending crying and get a chance to eat dinner in peace. She falls asleep in this thing every single time like clockwork, and David and I both know it has saved our lives and our sanity on many occasions. Typically we'll just keep her in the sling for a couple of hours until I'm ready to feed her and go to bed myself, at which point she luckily almost always transitions into her crib without a fight. For the life of me, I just don't understand while babies fight sleep so much!?
So remember that pre-baby Sarah I spoke of earlier who could make judgment calls about other people's parenting decisions? Well she is now a mother herself who has adopted and embraced the motto, "Whatever works!!" I can now empathize with parents who allow their fussy infants to sleep in bed with them at night, who give their crying toddlers candy to avoid a major tantrum in the grocery store, and who carry or wear their little ones hours on end even when their backs are sore and their hands are full. Because just like me, all they want is to be a good parent, to make their babies happy, and to love their children to the best of their ability. And unfortunately there are no rule books for how to do that, no specific "should's" or "should-nots" for all families, and no tried-and-true solutions that work for every child. We are all learning as we go, thinking on our feet, and doing the very best we can with what we have and what we know in the moment.
But having said that, even though parenting is the hardest job I've ever had, it is by far the most rewarding experience of my life. Even on a rough day, once Zoey starts smiling, and babbles and coos in response to my voice, my heart melts and I am reminded that all the hard work is MORE than worth it. My amazing mother did it for me, and I look forward to being there for Zoey throughout her childhood and beyond. All I can hope for is that one day an adult Zoey will come home for a visit, greet me with a big hug, and look me in the eye as she tells me that she loves me, as perfectly imperfect as I may be.
Fast forward to the present day in my life as Zoey's mom, and let me just say that I'm definitely eating my own foot, and simultaneously taking a bite of humble pie. : ) Sure, it's quite easy to be the "perfect mom" to the "perfect baby" when she's still in utero and when all difficult parenting situations are nothing but hypothetical. But now that I am a mother 24/7 to a very beautiful, yet imperfect child, I realize that all of my "should's" and "musts" and "wont's" have pretty much been thrown out the window. Yes, I know that I am a GOOD mother, but I am far from perfect. And honestly, what is perfect anyway? My own wonderful mother gave me some very good advice in Zoey's earliest weeks of life - she reminded me that as long as Zoey was fed, changed, not in pain, not too cold or hot, and cuddled up safely in her mommy's arms, she would be OK even if she was crying. Because even for the best mother in the best of circumstances, sometimes babies are still going to cry. About 3 months into my parenthood journey, I am finally beginning to accept this as normal and OK.
While I am so thankful that my baby is healthy, generally happy, and cute as a button, I guess you could say that my vision of a calm, relaxed baby who easily drifts off to sleep on her own is simply NOT my reality. On one hand I am very lucky because Zoey has been sleeping through the night for the past 2-3 weeks, at least 7-8 hours from around 9:30pm - 5:30am, and she easily goes back down after this early morning feeding until around 8:30am! I know I am very lucky to be getting this much sleep with a 3 month old infant, and believe me I do count my blessings everyday that I wake up feeling well-rested. However, our daytime nap "schedule", and the process of getting Zoey down to sleep is not a walk in the park. Often I resort to rocking her and nursing her to sleep, to only have her nap for a mere 20-30 minutes in her crib. Her baby swing which used to work wonders for 2 hour-long naps no longer does the trick. And in the evenings, most nights we resort to putting her in a Kangaroo Korner fleece pouch just so we can escape the never-ending crying and get a chance to eat dinner in peace. She falls asleep in this thing every single time like clockwork, and David and I both know it has saved our lives and our sanity on many occasions. Typically we'll just keep her in the sling for a couple of hours until I'm ready to feed her and go to bed myself, at which point she luckily almost always transitions into her crib without a fight. For the life of me, I just don't understand while babies fight sleep so much!?
So remember that pre-baby Sarah I spoke of earlier who could make judgment calls about other people's parenting decisions? Well she is now a mother herself who has adopted and embraced the motto, "Whatever works!!" I can now empathize with parents who allow their fussy infants to sleep in bed with them at night, who give their crying toddlers candy to avoid a major tantrum in the grocery store, and who carry or wear their little ones hours on end even when their backs are sore and their hands are full. Because just like me, all they want is to be a good parent, to make their babies happy, and to love their children to the best of their ability. And unfortunately there are no rule books for how to do that, no specific "should's" or "should-nots" for all families, and no tried-and-true solutions that work for every child. We are all learning as we go, thinking on our feet, and doing the very best we can with what we have and what we know in the moment.
But having said that, even though parenting is the hardest job I've ever had, it is by far the most rewarding experience of my life. Even on a rough day, once Zoey starts smiling, and babbles and coos in response to my voice, my heart melts and I am reminded that all the hard work is MORE than worth it. My amazing mother did it for me, and I look forward to being there for Zoey throughout her childhood and beyond. All I can hope for is that one day an adult Zoey will come home for a visit, greet me with a big hug, and look me in the eye as she tells me that she loves me, as perfectly imperfect as I may be.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Beautiful Alameda
As I mentioned in a recent blog, I've been making it a priority to get out for regular walks and jogs in order to get back into shape and to save my sanity with some time outside the house. For those of you who haven't visited my condo, we are right across from Washington Park and Crab Cove near Alameda Beach. I know I may be biased, but I think this is one of the most beautiful, peaceful areas of Alameda....my neighborhood! The other day I decided to snap some random pictures from my phone - beautiful palm trees, cute ducks swimming in the pond, and seagulls just hanging out. Then last night I caught one of the prettiest sunsets I've seen in awhile - we normally get gorgeous sunsets throughout the summer, but this one was just as breathtaking. Enjoy!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Happy New Year!
David, Zoey and I rang in the new year by attending our condo association's NYE party at our clubhouse - they had a live band playing jazz and bluegrass, lots of delicious food, and friendly neighbors! Then we came back home and drank champagne after Zoey was in bed while watching the ball drop and the New Year's live show on TV. It was definitely much more mellow than previous years, but still fun and memorable in its own way. I have HIGH HOPES for 2010 - the year of the Tiger. I anticipate lots of growth, change, happiness, positive challenge, and FUN, especially as Zoey grows and changes each month. May 2010 bring all of you exactly what you wish for!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Hello....
So as I look back on 2009 and ponder about my blog, I realize that the majority of my recent posts have been about two topics: my baby and my cats. Not that these aren't FASCINATING subjects for all of you I'm sure :), but at the same time there is so much more to me and my life these days that I don't really share with my readers. Now that I'm a mother of an infant, my time is so much more limited - between caring for Zoey all day (feedings, playtime, naps, diaper changes, etc.), trying to get her on somewhat of a "schedule"(ha!), attempting to do basic chores and errands, keeping up with family and friends, and trying to find some "me" time for exercise.....it's no surprise that writing daily blogs is no longer on the top of my priority list.
So alas, posting pictures instead of writing blog text is much more quick and easy, especially since I'm taking so many photos of Zoey already. But to be honest, I miss writing, and I miss sharing more of my random life and my random thoughts with the world. So one of my goals for 2010 will be to WRITE blogs more often, not just post photos of Zoey (as convenient as that would be). Of course you will still get to see pics of my baby girl because....well she IS cute, and she IS the focus of my life these days. But I hope to get back to writing more regularly because I re-realize what a joy and an outlet it is for me.
So what other things have I been up to? Well the little bit of free time that I have for myself has been centered around exercise in attempts to lose my extra baby weight. I am only about 7 to 8 pounds from where I was before I got pregnant, but I would like to lose around 10-15 pounds so that I can get back into my pre-baby pants and feel better about myself. Even though the weather has been chilly the past month, I've been getting out for walks and jogs about 3-4 times per week, or alternatively doing workouts from Exercise TV or home circuit training. Luckily I love exercise and it makes me feel better both physically and mentally, and honestly a 30-40 minute jog along Alameda Beach feels like a vacation after being cooped up inside with Zoey all day. I feel truly blessed to live where I live, because without the close proximity to the beach and a park I would probably not feel as motivated to get out of the house for some cardio.
I've also been reading parenting magazines and watching a lot of TV....intellectual daytime programming on TLC, Bravo and Style like Super Nanny, Cake Boss, Tabitha's Salon Takeover, What Not to Wear, A Baby Story, and 18 Kids and Counting, just to name a few. : ) I've also been working on Zoey's baby book, documenting her milestones and all the exciting details of her earliest weeks of life that I know I'd forget otherwise. I've also been doing my best to keep up with my closest friends, scheduling at least a couple get-togethers and visits each week...because even though my life is busy, I want and need to keep my friendships strong, and I also crave adult conversation and connection throughout my day! I still enjoy cooking and baking, although we've been opting for easier meals these days due to time constraints. And lastly I recently joined a Meetup group called Alameda Hip Parents and Kids, and have attended a couple of play dates hosted by a woman who lives about 3/4 mile from me. It has been so wonderful to connect with other young mothers and to meet some new friends, to hang out with other cute babies and kids, and to share stories and get advice and tips from one another. I look forward to getting more involved, especially as Zoey grows older and becomes more active.
In retrospect, 2009 was NOT a good year for David and I. I won't rehash all the details because it simply isn't worth the energy, but we both have faced some work-related struggles, financial issues, health concerns, friendship challenges, car troubles, etc. But luckily the year is ending on a more positive note, especially with the birth of our healthy, happy baby Zoey. We both look forward to 2010 with hope and anticipation for better things to come. Here's to health, happiness and growth in 2010! Cheers!
So alas, posting pictures instead of writing blog text is much more quick and easy, especially since I'm taking so many photos of Zoey already. But to be honest, I miss writing, and I miss sharing more of my random life and my random thoughts with the world. So one of my goals for 2010 will be to WRITE blogs more often, not just post photos of Zoey (as convenient as that would be). Of course you will still get to see pics of my baby girl because....well she IS cute, and she IS the focus of my life these days. But I hope to get back to writing more regularly because I re-realize what a joy and an outlet it is for me.
So what other things have I been up to? Well the little bit of free time that I have for myself has been centered around exercise in attempts to lose my extra baby weight. I am only about 7 to 8 pounds from where I was before I got pregnant, but I would like to lose around 10-15 pounds so that I can get back into my pre-baby pants and feel better about myself. Even though the weather has been chilly the past month, I've been getting out for walks and jogs about 3-4 times per week, or alternatively doing workouts from Exercise TV or home circuit training. Luckily I love exercise and it makes me feel better both physically and mentally, and honestly a 30-40 minute jog along Alameda Beach feels like a vacation after being cooped up inside with Zoey all day. I feel truly blessed to live where I live, because without the close proximity to the beach and a park I would probably not feel as motivated to get out of the house for some cardio.
I've also been reading parenting magazines and watching a lot of TV....intellectual daytime programming on TLC, Bravo and Style like Super Nanny, Cake Boss, Tabitha's Salon Takeover, What Not to Wear, A Baby Story, and 18 Kids and Counting, just to name a few. : ) I've also been working on Zoey's baby book, documenting her milestones and all the exciting details of her earliest weeks of life that I know I'd forget otherwise. I've also been doing my best to keep up with my closest friends, scheduling at least a couple get-togethers and visits each week...because even though my life is busy, I want and need to keep my friendships strong, and I also crave adult conversation and connection throughout my day! I still enjoy cooking and baking, although we've been opting for easier meals these days due to time constraints. And lastly I recently joined a Meetup group called Alameda Hip Parents and Kids, and have attended a couple of play dates hosted by a woman who lives about 3/4 mile from me. It has been so wonderful to connect with other young mothers and to meet some new friends, to hang out with other cute babies and kids, and to share stories and get advice and tips from one another. I look forward to getting more involved, especially as Zoey grows older and becomes more active.
In retrospect, 2009 was NOT a good year for David and I. I won't rehash all the details because it simply isn't worth the energy, but we both have faced some work-related struggles, financial issues, health concerns, friendship challenges, car troubles, etc. But luckily the year is ending on a more positive note, especially with the birth of our healthy, happy baby Zoey. We both look forward to 2010 with hope and anticipation for better things to come. Here's to health, happiness and growth in 2010! Cheers!
Monday, December 28, 2009
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